February 24, 2000
old orange diskettes
the respite has passed... winter is back.
since it was one of those days to be holed up inside, i decided - among other things - to clean out and organize my workspace. sounds fairly pointless and uneventful, but it turned out to be strangely worthwhile...
in the bottom of a drawer i found some unlabeled orange diskettes. (3.5" disks seem to be a rare commodity these days because my main computer doesn't even have a floppy drive...) i fired up the pc, admired the lovely microsoft windows clouds (cough), and eventually got around to finding out what was on the disks.
to my delight, it was a collection of files for this web site, from about two years ago. some fairly old stuff, right up to the "blue and black" design. so right now you're asking yourself why this was so exciting. well, i already had most of those old files, but what i didn't have - until i found these disks - was a collection of old journal entries, some i posted on the site and some i didn't.
i don't know how many of you write down your thoughts and experiences on any sort of regular or irregular basis (those of you who do probably know how peculiar it is to read the old stuff). the one redeeming value of the practice is that it gives you an unalterable record of yourself. this is usually interesting - and usually weird.
one certain thing about all of us is that we change. another thing about all of us is that we get caught up in our own current reality, our own present state of mind. and we usually fit memories of the past into that state of mind, at least to the best of our ability. even if we remember being distinctly different in the past, there's still a sense that "i've always had the same basic outlook, the same way of thinking, the same attitudes." i think we tend to forget how much time and experience change us. old writings give us a peek into our old mindset, and it can be a fascinating glimpse.
if you had asked me yesterday what i was like two years ago, i would have replied that i was basically the same as i am today. in my mind, i've changed very little. in fact, it often troubles me that i haven't changed more in recent times. but the writings on those orange diskettes made me realize just how much my mindset has changed. if you asked me the same thing today, i would tell you that i had actually changed a lot. the last two years seem quite uneventful, but the more i think about it, they haven't been. in any case, my current state of mind is quite different from what it was just a few years ago.
reading through the old entries was a very strange experience - embarrassing, funny, distressing, entertaining, and overall very enlightening. i definitely need to offer my apologies to any of you who have been around here long enough to remember those days. if you had to suffer through those stupid entries, i'm very sorry (in a couple of years, the same thing goes for those who are reading these words right now).
anyway, i don't mean to ramble, but it was just such a completely strange yet compelling experience. i wonder what i'm going to think of my current writings in a few years time, and i wonder if the pace of change will remain the same or whether it will speed up or slow down.
i realize i'm completely self-absorbed, and you really don't want to hear about this. but if you have any thoughts you wrote down some time ago, find them. sit down, read them, and think about it all.
before i go, i might mention that, in the very bottom of a drawer, i found an archaic 5.25" diskette from a very long time ago... something for the antiques roadshow! too bad we got rid of the old family pc, because now i don't have a disk drive for it. i'm going to find someone who has one (e-mail me if you do!), because it would probably be really interesting to see what's on that one.
more long-winded mumbling next time...
24 Feb 12:00 | Link | Category: From the Old Site