April 10, 2000
a bright star, dimmed and dying
sometimes it's easy to put yourself in another's shoes. but all too often you suddenly realize that the shoes don't fit - or you're really not in them.
i like to think that i can imagine what it would be like to be placed in her situation - but i can't. i like to believe that i could somehow handle being placed in such a situation - but i know i couldn't.
visits only strengthen my realization and perception of how strong and amazing she is. to be faced with a certain future, to know the ultimate result, is something i cannot begin to fathom. the slow loss of strength, mass, movability. the lack of control. being as paralyzed and helpless as a newborn - but with perfect mental capacity. a trapped mind - full of thoughts, emotions, memories. a living hell.
it's so painful to realize what is happening, and what will happen, to someone so special. one of the very few people with which i associate only good memories. a beautiful soul, full of kindness, patience, practicality, caring, and love. it's not that i choose to focus solely on the good qualities - it's just that i've never seen any others.
she's a bright star in what can sometimes be a dark, murky sky of people i know. if i were placed in a similar situation, i could never handle it with the slightest bit of grace or control. i would simply shatter and fall to pieces. i discover yet another reason to admire her.
as i stare down a dead-end street, i reflect on the fragility of life, those who i've had the pleasure of interacting with, and the experiences i've been part of.
and i sit back slowly and replay the memories of beautiful days gone by.
10 Apr 12:00 | Link | Category: From the Old Site