June 25, 2008
Carlin (again)
In his NYT eulogy for George Carlin, Jerry Seinfeld writes:
As a kid it seemed like the whole world was funny because of George Carlin. His performing voice, even laced with profanity, always sounded as if he were trying to amuse a child. It was like the naughtiest, most fun grown-up you ever met was reading you a bedtime story.
Here's a clip of Carlin actually performing for children. Not all that different from his normal style:
25 Jun 19:04 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor, Video
June 23, 2008
George Carlin Video Clips
George Carlin will be sorely missed. Here are several of the many clips you can find online:
- Modern Man
- Airline Announcements, Part 1
- Airline Announcements, Part 2
- It's Bad for Ya! (Part 6 of 7)
- Mike Douglas Show 1971 w/ Lennon & Ono, Part 1
- Mike Douglas Show 1971, Part 2
- Seven Words
23 Jun 16:50 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor, Video
March 25, 2008
Snopes (run by spammers?)
I'm constantly getting e-mails from friends and family that are... annoying to say the least. I think I've finally gotten to the point in life where I can resist the urge to reply, instead simply deleting and moving on. Today, however, I deleted but couldn't move on. I needed to vent and you are my victim. Sorry.
It's just that I can't believe the utter lack of skepticism that otherwise intelligent people have when they read that Applebee's will give you $50 for forwarding a chain letter (one of the e-mails I received this morning), or that Mr. Rogers was a trained sniper, or that entering your PIN in reverse will call the police.
It's not like it's difficult to find out whether these things are hoaxes or not. I knew the chain letter this morning was BS, but assuming I hadn't, all I would have had to do was type "Applebee's $50 certificate" into Google for an instant answer. This is virtually as fast as hitting the "forward to everyone in my freaking address book to clog their inbox" button in your e-mail client.
Someone should write an e-mail plugin that ties in with a database like Snopes, Urban Legends @ About.com, Break The Chain, Truth or Fiction, VMyths, scambusters.org, hoaxbusters... well, you get the picture. There are dozens of these sites. I think the extraordinarily credulous and extraordinarily lazy might benefit from an automatic scan (or a manual "check veracity" button - but maybe they're too lazy for that?) telling them whether or not they should forward e-mails that will clutter inboxes and annoy curmudgeonly skeptics like me.
Anyway.
I have to mention this classic xkcd strip (click to enlarge):
Speaking of xkcd, here are a couple of other classics...
25 Mar 12:38 | Link | Category: Humor, Opinion & Thoughts, Technology & Computing
March 20, 2008
I Guess You'll Do
"We're on a schedule here."
Ingenious. (And depressing. Goes well with yesterday's life clock.)
"Now let's go camping!"
20 Mar 15:54 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
March 17, 2008
Another classic from 'Extras'
Here's yet another funny video clip, this time from Extras. (Translation: I don't have time to make a proper post, but you'll probably enjoy this better anyway.) Be sure to watch through to the end. (It's funnier if you're familiar with the characters, especially Darren and Maggie... but still funny even if you're not.)
17 Mar 20:32 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
March 14, 2008
Pachelbel Rant
"Pachelbel's following me..."
14 Mar 19:14 | Link | Category: Humor, Music, Video
March 12, 2008
Let me in!
So true. There's another one, too: Simon's Cat: Cat Man Do
12 Mar 12:45 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
February 29, 2008
3 a.m. ("Now then, Dmitri...")
You've probably heard about Hillary Clinton's latest ad, 3 a.m.. (I wish they had picked a different time for Hillary to be fully dressed and working at her desk in the middle of the night, because every time I hear "it's 3 a.m." I have flashbacks to that obnoxious Matchbox 20 song from the '90s.)
The pundits and blogs are all atwitter ("it's the new Daisy" etc. etc.). It's certainly not the most original ad, considering that Mondale ran a very similar one against Gary Hart back in '84 and LBJ ran one twenty years before that.
The Obama campaign has already put together a response, but Coudal Partners took Clinton's ad and did something simply brilliant with it (click for video):
(I love Dr. Strangelove, as I've mentioned once or twice before, so this was right up my alley.)
29 Feb 23:37 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor, Politics, Video
February 11, 2008
The Audition
There are many reasons why I miss Mr. Show, even after all these years. Here's one. (BTW, if you've never seen Mr. Show, you might not like the language.)
This one is good, too (just because it reminds me of pretentious twits I've known).
(via Cynical-C)
11 Feb 0:16 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
February 10, 2008
Mitt's Concession Suspension speech
As you might've guessed, Mitt Romney's departure from the GOP race has been a big story around these parts. Since I have an inexplicable habit of watching the local news, I've seen his concession speech a number of times. Every time, I get very irritated and have to resist the urge to curse at the television set. (Thanks to Jon Stewart, I know I'm not alone. See below...)
The speech, like so many Romney appearances and speeches, was peppered with trite GOP slogans and buzzwords (so much so that it makes me wonder if the "suspension" of his campaign was not Romney's idea as much as it was a stern request by party officials). I think this might be a reflection of his greatest failure as a presidential candidate, and one of the principal reasons his campaign never garnered majority support. As one of the columnists in the conservative, church-owned (i.e., usually pro-Romney) local newspaper opined, the "real" Mitt never showed up in the campaign. Regardless of whether or not this is completely true, there is no doubt Romney painted himself as "the conservative candidate" when his record clearly indicates he is (or was) not. From the same column:
In the end, in his never-ending quest to get votes and be all things to all people, he allowed Rush and Sean, those fading virulent talk-show superstars, to paint him as an arch-conservative when anyone who watched him win the governorship of Massachusetts — not to mention who watched him get along famously with Salt Lake's liberal mayor Rocky Anderson in the Olympic years — knows he's no conservative. He's the absolute king of the moderates. He proved that during our Olympics, building bridges, bringing people together, working within the system, considering all positions, creating solutions.
I'm not sure why Romney chose the campaign path he did. I suspect he and his staff simply calculated that it was the most viable path to the presidency. (It might have been, if not for Mike Huckabee.) But it's problematic when a candidate's stump speech rhetoric clashes so starkly with his record.
Like Romney's so-called JFK-speech (which I complained about in December), the 'campaign suspension' speech hit upon all the same tired themes we've been hearing from social conservatives and talk radio goons for years now. (The Democrats want to surrender to terrorists; pornography, welfare, and gay marriage are ruining the country - not disastrous wars, political corruption, woefully inadequate education, or dependence on foreign oil; etc.) Come on, Romney... you must be smarter than that. If you're not, you certainly do not deserve to be the Republican nominee, now or ever.
Watch Jon Stewart's brilliant analysis of the speech:
(Update: Fixed YouTube link. When they take it down again, try the official one. The followup story about what gay marriage has done to Massachusetts is pretty funny, too.)
10 Feb 21:05 | Link | Category: Humor, Opinion & Thoughts, Politics, Video
February 4, 2008
Election Fatigue
In each issue of The Week, editor William Falk writes a short message. I particularly enjoyed the most recent one (subscrip. req.), in which Falk amalgamates all the candidates (and most of the buzzwords and phrases they've been using). I reproduce the message here, in its entirety (shhh, don't tell anyone):
My good friends, I'm running for president. Let me enumerate just a few of the many reasons why I deserve your vote. I am, above all, the candidate of change, much more so than my opponents; indeed, if elected, I will change everything that you, the American people, want changed, including any of my positions that I have already changed. Due to my wealth of experience, which is both unique and yet somehow universal, I will be ready to serve on Day One, and to protect the nation from the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad people who want to destroy our way of life because they are jealous of our freedoms, our 50-inch plasma TVs, and our very large food portions. You should know that my desperate yet selfless quest to be your president is very, very personal for me, and that I am, of course, a Christian who reads my Bible every night—not a Muslim, or a Mormon, or, God forbid, a Unitarian.
I promise to bring your job back from overseas, even if it hasn't gone there yet, to build walls and dig moats at the border, to cut taxes, to provide universal health care, to preserve all of our government entitlements, and to balance the budget. I am firmly opposed to storing the nation’s nuclear waste at Yucca Mountain, or in any state that holds its primaries before, say, March. I promise to model my presidency on Ronald Reagan's, because, like me, he had good hair and was an agent of change, or, if you prefer, on John F. Kennedy's. Whichever. And please remember that by voting for me, you are also voting for yourself, your children, your gender, your race, your religion, and for unifying our great nation. Thank you.
04 Feb 20:57 | Link | Category: Humor, Politics
January 26, 2008
Oops
Note to talentless performers of shitty music:
Try not to fall off the stage. Especially if you're lip sycing.
Catching fake 'musicians' hasn't been so fun since Ashlee Simpson's SNL moment.
(via The Presurfer)
26 Jan 23:27 | Link | Category: Humor, Music, Video
January 22, 2008
Bill Clinton Has a Dream
Update: Fixed the video for IE7 users. Sorry.
I've done this, especially during boring speeches. (But luckily not on camera.) I'd love to know who switched Bill's cup of Joe with decaf. (Insert "vast right-wing conspiracy" - or "vast left-wing conspiracy" - joke here, if desired.)
22 Jan 15:51 | Link | Category: Humor, Politics, Video
January 20, 2008
Ch-ch-changes
This is some parade, yesiree Bob. *
20 Jan 13:55 | Link | Category: Humor, Politics, Video
January 9, 2008
Statement of Purpose
I've been working on "statements of purpose" and "personal statements" for graduate school admission. Against my better judgement, I decided to search the web for some advice. Never do this! (It's a bit like checking medical sites and message boards when you're wondering about the funny lump in your neck or mouth. You will assuredly run into something that will completely freak you out. "I'm gonna DIE!!!"... then the lump disappears two days later.) Sure enough, I found this:
Word for word, the graduate admissions essay is perhaps the single most important prose anyone will ever write. In ways that students rarely understand, it can be the ticket to the future of your choice, or not.
Well, that really helps... No reason to worry; it's just the single most important prose ANYONE will EVER write!
Feh. I don't know who wrote that statement, but judging from the advice (and creative use of commas) on the rest of the page, I don't think I'll take it too seriously. Instead, I think I'll draw my inspiration from Eddie Kohler's statements of purpose: SoP 1, SoP 2.
I have trouble thinking far into the future so plans are kind of sketchy but tomorrow I want to go to my aerobics p.e.
I also want to have a cat and a grand piano. And everyone should be happy and peaceful and like Shostakovich. But that probably won't happen. not even if you accept me into grad school.. . .
Please let me in to your grad school ebcasue otherwise I have to live at home next year.
P. S. Diversity is good
09 Jan 18:33 | Link | Category: Humor, Site/Life News
January 6, 2008
Boom!
If you've ever watched Steve Jobs give a keynote speech introducing new products, you've probably noticed certain idiosyncrasies and favorite phrases. Someone compiled a bunch of them into a surprisingly funny clip:
When he demonstrates software he also says "boom" quite often. (For example, watch his demo of Exposé.) Naturally, someone also compiled a clip of "booms"
I am sooo glad there aren't hours of video footage of me because being confronted with all my little sayings and idiosyncrasies would be horrifying.
06 Jan 0:02 | Link | Category: Humor, Technology & Computing, Video
January 5, 2008
The Evil Eye
I don't know why this is funny, but it makes me chuckle:
05 Jan 18:09 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
The Most Important Issue for Voters in 2008
05 Jan 17:43 | Link | Category: Humor, Politics, Video
December 20, 2007
Is our press secretaries learning?
I caught this tidbit from the Washington Post via Ghost in the Machine:
During a White House briefing, a reporter referred to the Cuban Missile Crisis -- and [White House press secretary Dana Perino] didn't know what it was.
"I was panicked a bit because I really don't know about . . . the Cuban Missile Crisis," said Perino, who at 35 was born about a decade after the 1962 U.S.-Soviet nuclear showdown. "It had to do with Cuba and missiles, I'm pretty sure."
So she consulted her best source. "I came home and I asked my husband," she recalled. "I said, 'Wasn't that like the Bay of Pigs thing?' And he said, 'Oh, Dana.'"
More comment from the Lede blog at the New York Times.
20 Dec 21:14 | Link | Category: Humor, Politics
December 17, 2007
8 Years of Daily Photos
I'm don't understand the allure of taking a photo of yourself every day (though every year can be interesting). Maybe it's fun for young people, but at some point you realize you're just getting older and worse looking ever day. But it seems like millions of people do it. Millions have also done the time-lapse thing, but this dude is so good at keeping the same expression day after day that it actually works:
Also check out Homer Simpson's:
(via J-Walk Blog)
17 Dec 10:50 | Link | Category: Humor, Photography, Video
December 6, 2007
A Man Cold
(via Dooce)
06 Dec 20:14 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
December 4, 2007
A Stunning View
Yet more proof that watching 'The View' will rot your brain:
Wait... which came first: the brain rot, or 'The View'?
UPDATE: It gets worse. Someone just made me aware of an older clip containing all sorts of wonderful dialogue, including the following:
"Is the world flat?" "I don't know. I've never thought about it."
04 Dec 21:48 | Link | Category: Humor, Science, Video
Another Bubble
Via Fake Steve:
Blog Blog BLOG IT ALL
(It might be slightly funnier if, as a troubled youth, you unintentionally memorized every word of the stupid original song. Not that I would do something so weird...)
04 Dec 11:07 | Link | Category: Humor, Technology & Computing, Video
December 2, 2007
The Real Voice of Darth Vader
Sounds more like Rick Moranis in 'Spaceballs':
02 Dec 15:49 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor, Video
November 22, 2007
Racist GPS
(via Cynical-C)
22 Nov 13:50 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
October 1, 2007
"I'm trippin' too"
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. (Or as I call him, The Iranian W.) Plenty of his statements indicate that he, like so many other world leaders, is blinded by ideology - or just batshit insane. The Holocaust denials, the claim of being "surrounded by light" during a speech, and so much more. Like this:
The most remarkable aspect of Mr Ahmadinejad's piety is his devotion to the Hidden Imam, the Messiah-like figure of Shia Islam, and the president's belief that his government must prepare the country for his return.
But I'll admit that he occasionally makes a good point (rhetorically, at least). And sometimes he can even be funny (albeit inadvertently). Like last week at Columbia University when he claimed there are no gays in Iran. Which prompted Andy Samberg's Mahmoud love song, "Iran So Far" (which was the whole reason I posted anything about Ahmadinejad's visit since it's been hashed and rehashed by everyone). The official clip at nbc.com doesn't work for some reason (typical), so enjoy it on YouTube. (If the clip below doesn't work, try searching for other copies.)
01 Oct 19:33 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Current Events, Humor, Politics, Video
September 19, 2007
Public humiliation
Sometimes "try try again" isn't the best advice:
19 Sep 18:25 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
September 18, 2007
Leave General Petraeus Alone
I wasn't gonna post this, but since it seems that everyone has seen that Leave Britney Alone video on YouTube (thanks to reputable news organizations like CNN and ABC), you should get the joke.
(via Cynical-C)
18 Sep 17:10 | Link | Category: Current Events, Humor, Video
September 11, 2007
"Yes."
Salvador Dalí on "What's My Line":
11 Sep 20:45 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor, Video
September 10, 2007
Beethoven Piano Sonata Parody
This might be a case where you have to love something to laugh at the parody of it (so if you enjoy Beethoven, you'll probably enjoy the clip)... It's Dudley Moore performing a Beethoven-style piano sonata constructed around the motif/theme from the famous Colonel Bogey March. Brilliant... and the never-ending coda is classic.
10 Sep 21:45 | Link | Category: Humor, Music, Video
Inadvertently Emo
Uh-oh. It wasn't intentional, but as someone just pointed out to me in an e-mail, the colors I used for the redesign come straight from the palette of emo (see also). Check it out:
Made me laugh, anyway.
10 Sep 19:31 | Link | Category: Humor
October 26, 2006
George W. Bush and his celebrity translator
If you've seen the recent 'celebrity' ads from Geico (particularly the Little Richard one), you might appreciate this:
26 Oct 16:54 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
Rollercoaster Kid
Watch this video of a kid hanging on for dear life on a catapult ride (though whether or not he's actually in real danger is up for debate). The carnival music and maniacal laughing from 'Janis' (whoever she is) combine to make this one of the most bizarre and utterly classic videos I've seen on the 'net in a long time. God bless you, GoogleTube.
26 Oct 16:32 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
August 3, 2006
Solla Solla Enna Perumai
Umm... I don't really know what the hell this is, but I'm compelled to share it for some reason:
Apparently it originates from this site, where you can find other similarly odd videos.
03 Aug 0:02 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor, Video
July 7, 2006
Citizens Forum
Watch this video clip from a city council meeting in Charlotte, North Carolina. David Thompson discusses a rogue helicopter pilot that hovered over his house between the magnolia tree and the property line. It had something to do with ice in the arena, I think. The bottom line is, the boy scouts have a right to be scared.
(Think about this, though... what if he's right?)
07 Jul 3:38 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
July 6, 2006
Creationism and evolution tackled on 'The Simpsons'
I came across a brilliant clip from an episode of 'The Simpsons' that ran a few months ago. Sadly, only about 13 minutes of the show are included in the clip... but there are still some classic moments:
- Lisa's clandestine meeting in the school's "Single Purpose Room" where she has written 'Viva La Evolución' on the blackboard
- Homer, upon hearing that according to creationism, there were no cavemen: "Good riddance! Their drawings suck and they look like hippies."
- Ned Flanders declaring under oath that he is as sure that man and ape are not related as he is that "Jesus hates hip-hop"
- Ralph Wiggum saying "The George Will?!"
My favorite moment of all, though, is when Reverend Lovejoy and Ned Flanders tell Principal Skinner they want the school to teach alternatives to Darwinian evolution. Skinner replies, "You mean, Lamarckian evolution?" Classic.
[The biology geek in me would like to note that Darwin himself never ruled out Lamarckism since he was unaware of Mendel's work (or was he?) and its significance... but when most people talk about "Darwinian evolution", they're referring to the modern synthesis.] Just as a sidenote while I'm talking about Lamarckian evolution (something I never thought I'd be doing on this blog), some scientists feel that cultural evolution is very Lamarckian... that is, in species with culture (a group whose size is heavily debated), cultural changes are acquired during an organism's lifetime and passed on to offspring -- Lamarckism (of a sort)! In fact, I just finished reading a recent book by Eric Chaisson ("Epic of Evolution") in which he writes:
. . . in the recent history of humankind, Lamarckian evolution has clearly dominated Darwinian evolution. Cultural acquisitions spread much faster than genetic modifications. Our gene pool differs little from that of the Cro-Magnons some twenty thousand years ago, yet our cultural heritage is a good deal more robust in the knowledge, arts, traditions, beliefs, and technologies acquired and transmitted during the past thousand or so generations.
If you have trouble getting the Simpsons video from the site I linked to, try here (11.3 MB QuickTime).
For another very cool Simpsons video, check out the best Simpsons couch gag ever (10.3 MB QuickTime).
06 Jul 23:44 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Current Events, Human/Primate Evolution & Behavior, Humor, Science, Video
July 2, 2006
Giving more than 100%
I've been sifting through my inbox today. I've cleared out so many messages that I'm finally back down to 300. (This from a man who once religiously kept his inbox count under 10.)
I came across one of those endlessly-forwarded joke e-mails, in this case forwarded to me by my dad. It made me laugh because it's just too true. So I'm going to give the thing continued life by sharing it here... (but I won't repeat the Comic Sans it came in.)
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
02 Jul 2:15 | Link | Category: Humor
June 16, 2006
Lynn A. Westmoreland
Congressman Lynn Westmoreland, a bold and visionary leader from Georgia, has worked hard for his constituents. While he apparently has yet to introduce any original legislation during his term, the press releases on his web site show he has been busy... for example, voting for ANWR drilling and opposing legislation to designate Bill Clinton's birthplace a national historic site.
Before entering the U.S. Congress (in January '05), he introduced "common sense" legislation in Georgia to place the Ten Commandments in government buildings in the state. If you use the search feature on his web site, you will see that he has continued to co-sponsor and support various related bills in the U.S. House.
Stephen Colbert recently interviewed Mr. Westmoreland for his compelling 'Better Know a District' series. Westmoreland, a self-professed devout Christian, eloquently defended his case.... oh, wait.... actually, he could not even cite the Ten Commandments, instead stumbling around and badly paraphrasing three of the easiest ones.
Check out the very funny interview here: QuickTime (9 MB) or Windows Media (12.3 MB).
All I can say is... this is why I love Stephen Colbert. We all know that plenty of members of Congress (from both sides of the aisle) are incompetent and boneheaded. But at least when Colbert exposes it, he diverts me from anger and depression by making me laugh a bit.
Update: John points out that Westmoreland co-sponsored a bill in Georgia calling on the state assembly to commend Mel Gibson on 'The Passion of the Christ'.
It's nice to know our wise legislators are hard at work solving the serious and vexing problems facing our nation.
16 Jun 22:18 | Link | Category: Current Events, Humor, Opinion & Thoughts, Video
May 3, 2006
Colbert's D.C. Truthiness
If you haven't seen the video of Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, you can grab a copy from Crooks and Liars.
People far and wide have been weighing in on this. I happen to be a huge fan of Colbert's brand of satire and irony, especially since he adopted the right-wing talk show pundit persona. So I basically agreed with Salon's Michael Scherer, who said:
It was Colbert's crowning moment. His imitation of the quintessential GOP talking head -- Bill O'Reilly meets Scott McClellan -- uncovered the inner workings of the ever-cheapening discourse that passes for political debate.
I also liked what Joan Walsh had to say:
Colbert's deadly performance did more than reveal, with devastating clarity, how Bush's well-oiled myth machine works. It exposed the mainstream press' pathetic collusion with an administration that has treated it -- and the truth -- with contempt from the moment it took office. Intimidated, coddled, fearful of violating propriety, the press corps that for years dutifully repeated Bush talking points was stunned and horrified when someone dared to reveal that the media emperor had no clothes. Colbert refused to play his dutiful, toothless part in the White House correspondents dinner -- an incestuous, backslapping ritual that should be retired.
Update: Video of Bush's reaction to Colbert's Press Secretary audition sketch (interesting between about 2:50 and 3:30)
03 May 23:35 | Link | Category: Humor, Opinion & Thoughts, Video
January 8, 2006
Woolly Bob
Back in August, I linked to a site called Woolly Rockers. My sister (a knitter) and I had a good laugh over the idea of a Bob Dylan woolly rocker.
I had mostly forgotten about it until the Christmas gift from my sister arrived in the mail. I opened it on Christmas to discover that she had knitted something for me: my very own Bob Dylan woolly rocker doll! It's the jeans 'n boots folk-singing Bob from the early sixties. I'm quite fond of the harmonica holder.
08 Jan 10:08 | Link | Category: Humor, Music
December 23, 2005
The Vice President's iPod
Two days ago, we learned a bit about George W. Bush's iPod. Now it's time for Dick Cheney.
I found a tidbit from the J-Walk blog about the VP's visits to Iraq and Afghanistan. According to the AP, "Cheney Flies In Comfort":
Vice President Dick Cheney didn't suffer for comfort on the cavernous cargo plane that he rode into Iraq and Afghanistan this week.
The Air Force loaded the plane with the "silver bullet," a mobile home in the sky strapped down in the middle of the belly. The accommodations included sleeping and working quarters that protected him from the noise and cold of the cargo hold during a more than five-hour flight into Baghdad.
The rest of his traveling party was not so lucky. Cheney's senior staff and junior aides were assigned to a cramped three rows of seats in front of the bullet, while reporters and Secret Service agents had to sit in jump seats along the side with a view of Cheney's stainless steel exterior walls.
And then comes this:
The vice president is an iPod fan, and keeping it charged is a priority for his staff.
Normally that isn't an issue, even when he's flying around the world. Air Force II is equipped with outlets in each row of seats.
But when Dick Cheney was traveling home overnight Wednesday from his diplomatic mission, most of the outlets went on the fritz.
Working passengers began lining up their laptops to share the power from a couple of working outlets — particularly the reporters who urgently needed to prepare their articles to transmit during a quick refueling stop in England.
But when Cheney said his iPod needed to be recharged, it took precedent above all else and dominated one precious outlet for several hours. The vice president's press staff intervened so a reporter could use the outlet for 15 minutes to charge a dead laptop, but then the digital music device was plugged back in.
That way, Cheney got his press coverage and his music, too.
I doubt Cheney had any idea the trouble his iPod was causing - it was probably just an overeager aide - but it's still pretty unbelievable.
23 Dec 11:48 | Link | Category: Humor, Music, Technology & Computing
December 21, 2005
The President's iPod
Somehow it doesn't surprise me that Brit Hume ended up asking George W. Bush about what's on his iPod. (Apparently they just ran out of important topics to discuss.) What followed was downright painful. A transcript, courtesy of the Washington Post:
Bush: Beach Boys, Beatles, let's see, Alan Jackson, Alan Jackson, Alejandro, Alison Krauss, the Angels, the Archies, Aretha Franklin, the Beatles, Dan McLean. Remember him?
Hume: Don McLean.
Bush: I mean, Don McLean.
Hume: Does "American Pie," right?
Bush: Great song.
Hume: Yes, yes, great song.
Unidentified male: . . . which ones do you play?
Bush: All of these. I put it on shuffle. Dwight Yoakam. I've got the Shuffle, the, what is it called? The little.
Hume: Shuffle.
Bush: It looks like.
Hume: The Shuffle. That is the name of one of the models.
Bush: Yes, the Shuffle.
Hume: Called the Shuffle.
Bush: Lightweight, and crank it on, and you shuffle the Shuffle.
Hume: So you -- it plays . . .
Bush: Put it in my pocket, got the ear things on.
Hume: So it plays them in a random order.
Bush: Yes.
Hume: So you don't know what you're going to going to get.
Bush: No.
Hume: But you know --
Bush: And if you don't like it, you have got your little advance button. It's pretty high-tech stuff.
Hume: . . . be good to have one of those at home, wouldn't it?
Bush: Oh?
Hume: Yes, hit the button and whatever it is that's in your head -- gone.
Bush: . . . it's a bad day, just say, get out of here.
Hume: Well, that probably is pretty . . .
Bush: That works, too. ( Laughter )
Hume: Yes, right.
It reminds me a bit of my parents. My dad won an iPod mini, but I don't think he uses it very much because he complains about having to put his glasses on to read the display (see the picture of Bush). My mom actually loves her iPod and uses it all the time, mostly to listen to audiobooks from Audible. But I'm pretty sure if I interviewed either of them about it, they would sound a lot like Hume and Bush.
21 Dec 1:09 | Link | Category: Humor, Music, Technology & Computing
December 18, 2005
A new clip of Ferrell as Bush
Will Ferrell's George W. Bush impressions on SNL were usually very funny. Occasionally, he reprises the role. In the latest clip, he addresses us from Crawford (much as he did last year) with a message on global warming.
18 Dec 0:20 | Link | Category: Humor
December 17, 2005
The Pope Wears Prada
Apparently it's not just the devil wearing Prada anymore. Now it's Pope Benedict XVI, too. He rides "in the Popemobile with red Prada loafers under his cassock and Gucci shades." He also ditched the papal tailors who have been dressing popes for more than 200 years, favoring "his tailor from his days as cardinal, Alessandro Cattaneo, and the 20-year-old religious-fashion house of Raniero Mancinelli, which has provided the pope with dazzling new vestments (some with shimmering, sequinlike details)." Jesus would be proud.
I found the above photo of the erstwhile Mr. Ratzinger in his fancy shoes from this page. Also, J-Walk posted a link to a store selling similar red Prada shoes. (If I ever get to be the pope, I will insist on red Converse All-Stars like I had when I was six.)
I'm not sure why popes always wear red shoes, though I did find a thread on catholic.com where a few people took a stab at it.
Finally, a related item... someone from Fark saw the headline for this Reuters story - "Pope says materialism pollutes Christmas spirit" - and spruced it up a bit: "Pope denounces materialism from balcony of marble, gold-domed building in midst of jewel-encrusted religious icons while wearing giant gold cross"
17 Dec 23:29 | Link | Category: Humor, Misc. Tidbits
November 27, 2005
'Star Wars Auditions' sketch
Kevin Spacey as Christopher Walken as Han Solo in this SNL clip. (Spacey also plays Walter Mathau auditioning for Obi Wan Kenobi, and Darrell Hammond plays Richard Dreyfuss auditioning for C-3PO.)
(via Steel White Table)
27 Nov 11:40 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor
November 18, 2005
Indie Rock Cribs, part 3
The third clip from Joe Pernice's Indie Rock Cribs is up. Enjoy.
18 Nov 16:10 | Link | Category: Humor, Music
November 16, 2005
Audiophile products
If you've ever laughed at ridiculously-priced products marketed to audiophiles, you'll enjoy this list of audiophile products. It includes everything from $30,000 cables to a $485 wooden knob.
16 Nov 19:29 | Link | Category: Humor, Music
November 10, 2005
Just Shut Up
A couple of weeks ago, I bookmarked an article by Tony Long of Wired News. The title is 'You Know What? Just Shut Up':
How about the ringtone on a cell phone? I never thought I'd see the day when the opening bars of Beethoven's Für Elise would tick me off, but Sprint has managed to do it. Sublime music is not meant to be trivialized through reduction to electronic burps and gurgles.
...
But even butchered Beethoven is better than some of the other sounds these phones make. Dooodle-ooOOO-dooo.... Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.... They're stupid and intrusive, especially when they go off at a public event (like a Beethoven concert) or in a restaurant or anywhere human beings gather for social intercourse.
Put your phone on vibrate and stick it in your pocket. Don't worry, you'll feel it. Stick it in the right pocket, and it might feel pretty good.
I would like to dedicate this post to the people whose obnoxious ring-tones go off in the middle of a lecture or at the library. (In fact, I'm in the library right now and I would like to further dedicate this post to the asshole 10 feet from me whose obnoxious ringtone signaled the start of an inane conversation he seems to think the entire library is dying to hear.)
Finally, if you're annoyed by people who start up their laptops in the middle of lectures and blast the Windows login sound or the Apple chime at max volume - you should watch this clever movie from Prangstgrüp.
10 Nov 13:01 | Link | Category: Humor, Technology & Computing
November 8, 2005
Your Band Sucks
Check out the Hall of Douchebags at Rock and Roll Confidential for a glorious collection of band photos. You'll see the pretentious, the ridiculous, and the just plain disturbing - and more brick walls than you can possibly imagine. The photos (and captions) kept me entertained for longer than I care to admit.
08 Nov 21:10 | Link | Category: Humor, Music
October 21, 2005
High Water Everywhere (well, not Everywhere)
Watch this Today Show clip of a correspondent reporting from the floods in New Jersey. It's the best TV moment I've seen in a long time.
21 Oct 21:39 | Link | Category: Humor
The Colbert Report: Grippy and Lincolnish
I've watched The Colbert Report twice now. It's not too bad... So far, the satire has been really on-the-mark and I've been enjoying it. I do think it might grow tired with time, but we'll see. The wonderful thing is that where I live, at least, The Colbert Report is on at the exact same time as The O'Reilly Factor. During commercials, I flip to Fox and watch a couple minutes of The Factor. It makes Colbert's impression of self-important blowhards all the more funny.
Tune in next week if you haven't seen it yet (and try to watch a bit of O'Reilly, Nancy Grace, Joe Scarborough, Sean Hannity, or any of the rest beforehand). Neil deGrasse Tyson is scheduled as a guest, which might be interesting.
21 Oct 16:01 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor
October 3, 2005
Daily Show clips online
A while back, I promised to let you know when Kurt Vonnegut's appearance on The Daily Show appeared online. So now I'm letting you know (somewhat belatedly) that it's available at Common Bits, along with a bevy of recent material (including most of "Evolution Schmevolution" week).
03 Oct 20:42 | Link | Category: Humor
September 18, 2005
Religion Joke
According to folks on this site, this is the funniest joke about religion:
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
"Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Are you religious?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."
I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.
(via Steel White Table)
18 Sep 19:38 | Link | Category: Humor
August 24, 2005
Flying Spaghetti Monster bumper stickers!
Pastafarians rejoice! Flying Spaghetti Monsterists looking to compete with all the Jesus and Darwin fish now have their own bumper sticker! (See also: The $1 Million Intelligent Design Challenge.)
24 Aug 19:12 | Link | Category: Humor, Science
August 15, 2005
Christopher Walken for President
I don't know if this a joke or if it's for real... regardless, let me say this: I would so totally vote for Christopher Walken (mirror). Speeches and press conferences would never be the same. He would easily be one of the oddest and coolest actors-turned-politicians, and compared to the likes of Reagan and Schwarzenegger would totally kick ass. Walken 2008!
15 Aug 17:44 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor
Is My Child Becoming Homosexual?
I found an amusing, depressing article from James Dobson's "Focus on Your Child" site, via Cynical-C. (Dobson is the wingnut who runs Focus on the Family, a site which would require many paragraphs to comment on.)
Here are some warning signs that your child is becoming homosexual (try not to laugh):
- A strong feeling that they are "different" from other boys.
- A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic, and dislike the roughhousing that other boys enjoy.
- A susceptibility to be bullied by other boys, who may tease them unmercifully and call them "queer," "fag" and "gay."
- A tendency to walk, talk, dress and even "think" effeminately.
Happily, Dr. Dobson informs us that homosexuality is preventable and reversible!
How does one even begin to comment on this? I think I'll just direct you to Fafblog's better ways to tell how gay your son is.
Oh, I suppose I shouldn't joke about it, considering all the lost, gutted souls that result from this kind of repressive cultural ideology. But what else can you do? There's no way to easily change notions of gender in Western society that are so old and deeply ingrained. Certainly reason won't work. And even highlighting other cultural approaches probably won't work (because ours is superior, of course!)... which is too bad. In an anthropology class last semester, I read an interesting excerpt from The Spirit and the Flesh, a book by Walter Williams about the Native American berdache tradition. I can't find an online copy of the exact excerpt I read, but suffice it to say the Native American approach was radically different from ours, taking what we consider negative and regarding it as positive. A berdache was often endowed with special powers. From Williams' book:
"Since no cultural system can explain everything, a common way that many cultures deal with these inconsistencies is to imbue them with negative power, as taboo, pollution, witchcraft, or sin. That which is not understood is seen as a threat. But an alternative method of dealing with such things, or people, is to take them out of the realm of threat and to sanctify them."
It's always enlightening to see what approaches other cultures take (or, rather, took when they still existed)... something that is sadly impossible for folks like Dobson who know their way is the one and only right way. (Today's broadcast over at Focus on the Family: "Ergun Caner shares his amazing testimony of becoming a Christian after being raised by an Islamic leader in a devout Muslim family.")
15 Aug 16:11 | Link | Category: Human/Primate Evolution & Behavior, Humor, Opinion & Thoughts
Indie Rock Cribs, Episode Two
A while back, I linked to Joe Pernice's Indie Rock Cribs pilot. Here's Episode Two. Enjoy.
15 Aug 13:42 | Link | Category: Humor, Music
Let's Save Our Environment
I don't even know what to say about this one... you just need to watch it.
One day my uncle picked up a hictchiker going down Topanga Canyon Blvd. The hitchiker gave my uncle a packet containing a cd-rom video and a few pages of song lyrics and the synopsis/proposal for a movie called "Kathy and Erol". Here is the video for your consideration.
(If you have trouble with the Flash version, try the QuickTime copy.)
15 Aug 13:30 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
June 29, 2005
Is It Normal?
This link has been flying around the web lately: Is It Normal, a site where you can submit your peculiar situation and see if others think it qualifies as being "normal".
29 Jun 21:57 | Link | Category: Humor
June 21, 2005
Hitler Hitler Everywhere
I never took any debate classes, but I have always assumed that an important lesson to be gleaned from introductory high school debate would be that it's horribly unimaginative and hackneyed to constantly fall back on comparisons to Hitler and Nazis. I think we all do it from time to time, but I always assumed that politicians and pundits would be aware of something that high school debate students should know.
These assumptions were clearly wrong. Not long ago in the Quick Links section, I posted a link to this: In the future, everyone will be Hitler for 15 minutes, about how people far and wide just can't seem to get enough of the Hitler comparisons. Then today, I discovered a brilliant little Daily Show clip about the same thing. You can download it (torrent) from CommonBits. Enjoy.
21 Jun 21:39 | Link | Category: Humor
June 14, 2005
Choosing a Girlfriend
There's a pretty funny submission by Shek Baker at supermasterpiece (home of Oops I Did It Again: The Original) called Choosing a Girlfriend. It categorizes and describes various types of girlfriends. Sadly, I can relate to several of them:
- 'The Fixer-Upper' - "Super cute, and also super neurotic."
- 'The Wild Child' - "No doubt about it, she's a ton of fun , especially at the outset ... Once that week is up, though, she's going to get kind of weird."
- 'The Intellectual' - "Hope you like post-modern theoretical literary discussion. Get used to hearing things like 'Frankly, I don't see how that blowhard Gottlieb gets away with all his facile anti-deconstructionalist theoretical tomfoolery.' ... Good thing she's super hot in glasses and a pony tail."
As for the 'Perfect Girlfriend'? - "No, you don't want this one, trust me ... because she'll break your heart when she finally finds the man she deserves, dumbass."
14 Jun 22:45 | Link | Category: Humor
June 13, 2005
A dynamic figure (part II)
Way back in 2002, I linked to this SETI@Home profile because I thought it was so clever. Turns out it was adapted from the college admission essay that got Hugh Gallagher accepted to NYU. (As you might expect, Gallagher went on to become a writer. His first novel was Teeth.)
13 Jun 16:59 | Link | Category: Humor
June 12, 2005
Better Read Than Dead
Conservative magazine Human Events has compiled a list of the "most harmful books of the 19th and 20th centuries" Along with predictable picks like The Communist Manifesto are "harmful" books like Kinsey's Reports and Dewey's Democracy and Education. Dangerous books like Silent Spring, Unsafe at Any Speed, and The Origin of Species only garnered honorable mentions, as did John Stuart Mill's On Liberty (I'd love to see the reasoning for that one).
I must say, Democracy and Education and On Liberty had me laughing pretty loudly. That's why I'm placing this in the 'humor' category rather than another.
12 Jun 23:27 | Link | Category: Humor
June 1, 2005
Indie Rock Cribs
Joe Pernice decided there should be an MTV Cribs program for indie musicians / actors.
Would that the pimped-out Hummers and drive-in sized plasma screens could lock me to my own TV the way they once could, long ago, in say, March of this year ... Where do you go when glimpses inside Usher's great room no longer titillate? ... I'll tell you where you go. You go straight into the musty crawl space of that dude from Spoon. You put in some hang time in Cat Power's mud room, is what you do. You give a Bill Curtis-worthy examination to the carport where the Tyde parks their rental van.
He even filmed a short pilot featuring his own crib.
01 Jun 16:26 | Link | Category: Humor, Music
Even Better Than The Real Thing
Classic: The Improv Everywhere crew stages a U2 rooftop concert in Manhattan. One of the best hoaxes I've seen in a long time. (Download a highlights video here, 21 MB MPEG-4.)
01 Jun 16:20 | Link | Category: Humor, Music, Video
May 20, 2005
Fiasco!
In the Mass Communications class I'm taking, the instructor has been taking a few minutes of class to have us watch/listen to a clip and discuss it. So far, I've really enjoyed his selections. One day we watched a few minutes of Reno 911. Yesterday, we listened to the first part of a very funny episode of NPR's This American Life called Fiasco:
Stories of when things go wrong. Really wrong. When you leave the normal realm of human error, fumble, mishap and mistake and enter the territory of really huge breakdowns. Fiascos. Things go so awry that normal social order collapses.
Listen for yourself (RealAudio). The first act about a small town production of Peter Pan, is classic. Any of you who suffered as an audience member at small-town productions (thanks, sis) will definitely enjoy it.
20 May 22:56 | Link | Category: Humor
March 17, 2005
Oops.
Remember last year when it was reported that a DEA agent accidentally shot himself in the leg during a schoolroom demonstration? The video appears to have hit the Internet: "I'm the only one in this room professional enough that I know I can carry a Glock 40"
(alternate link)
17 Mar 14:01 | Link | Category: Current Events, Humor, Video
March 4, 2005
Moon Landing Footage (or, Neil Armstrong: The Awful Truth)
In 1969, Neil Armstrong made history by becoming the first man to walk on the moon, uttering the immortal phrase, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Or did he? Previously suppressed footage discovered by blogjam shows that Armstrong's reaction was a great deal more uninhibited than history suggests, and that a hasty editing job was needed to prepare the astronaut's moment of glory for broadcast.
So here, for the first time, is the unedited NASA film from the triumphant Apollo 11 mission.
This one had me in stitches (because it's probably what I would sound like if I could land on the moon).
Possibly NSFW. (In other words, those heathens among you who don't have an appreciation for the finer points of excessive profanity are advised to skip this one.)
04 Mar 23:58 | Link | Category: Humor
February 8, 2005
2008 Campaign
Finally, a ticket we can all get behind: Kirk / Spock '08
08 Feb 18:43 | Link | Category: Humor
February 2, 2005
The Absolute Bottom 50 Blogs
From Chickenhead comes the list of absolute bottom 50 blogs (in the same fine tradition as the absolute bottom 50 college courses and Hallmark holidays).
Sadly, some of them are uncomfortably close to a description of this weblog:
- MyCompulsivelyUpdatedLinksToTheNewYorkTimes.com
- IAmBoringAndIfYouAreReadingThisSoAreYou.com
- GeorgeWBushMakesMeSoMadIStartedABlog.org
- TheSameKookyKrazyStuffEveryoneElseIsLinkingTo.com
- ElectronicManifestationOfMyStruggleToBeRelevant.com
These are my other favorites:
- BourgeoisBohemianHipster.com
- PuttingMyLiberalArtsDegreeToSomeUse.com
- FailedJournalist.com
- IronicPopCultureReferencesObscuringAnUtter- LackOfInterestingOpinions.com
- RegurgitatingShitIJustHeardRushLimbaughSay.us
- RegurgitatingShitIJustHeardAlFrankenSay.us
- HotNewConsumerGadgetAdvertisement.net
- TheOnlyWayAnyoneWillEverReadMyHorriblePoetry.org
- VelvetClad.ChunkyGothGirls.com
- PompousRuminationsOnMinutia.org
- ThePissyPontificatingProfessor.com
- MyMostIntenselyPrivateThoughtsAndSecrets- ForAllTheWorldToSee.com
02 Feb 23:07 | Link | Category: Humor, Technology & Computing
Potty Mouth
I had a much-needed laugh today while reading the weblog of Ayelet Waldman. Instead of rudely duplicating the entry here, I'll just point you to the actual post.
02 Feb 21:30 | Link | Category: Humor
January 31, 2005
Self-defense with a walking stick
After reading Self-defence with a Walking-stick from the Feb. 1901 edition of Pearson's magazine, I think perhaps I will buy a walking stick and go around beating people up. (I know that's not technically "self-defence" but you must admit it would be an odd and somehow humorous sight.)
31 Jan 11:36 | Link | Category: Humor
January 5, 2005
Accidental Hipsters
I had a good laugh at this Slowpoke strip: Accidental Hipsters.
05 Jan 19:17 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor
December 23, 2004
Cruel - but funny - e-mail prank
A prankster decided it might be interesting to impersonate the Starbucks CEO / President and send e-mails to a new employee at the corporate office. You can read the results. It's a long and painful exchange, but very funny. (Found at BoingBoing)
23 Dec 21:55 | Link | Category: Humor
December 21, 2004
Holiday Newsletters: STOP!
Since I figure world peace is out of reach this year, here's my holiday plea: Please stop sending holiday newsletters. I don't care about the pointless details of your perfect life. If I did, I would already know those pointless details and wouldn't have to read about them in a long, impersonal form letter.
This year, I actually resorted to writing my own ridiculously upbeat, bragging newsletter and sending it to my immediate family members as a joke. I wasn't the only one with the idea. Check out Phyllis Humphrey's LA Times editorial and Bob Schwartz's parody.
21 Dec 0:35 | Link | Category: Humor
Scared of Santa
For some reason, this is very funny: Scared of Santa, a gallery of kids terrified of Santa. (I don't blame some of them... quite a few of those Santas scare me.)
21 Dec 0:11 | Link | Category: Humor
December 11, 2004
Road Rage and Cell Phone Cards
For years, I've talked about some system (either paper cards or electronic) that would allow me to shout at bad drivers when shouting isn't possible (on the freeway, for example). It seems someone has already beat me to the cards idea: Road Rage Cards. The flip book contains cards with useful messages such as "GET OUT OF THE FAST LANE" and "WAIT YOUR TURN!" Helpfully, all cards have a mirror image on the back side so they are viewable through the rearview mirror of someone in front of you.
Another, perhaps more useful item: this very cool SHHH card set (PDF) for cell phone users. Simply print and discreetly distribute the various cards to obnoxious cell phone users.
11 Dec 22:17 | Link | Category: Humor
December 8, 2004
What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
Fans of Edward Gorey's The Gashlycrumb Tinies might enjoy this quiz: What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
I'm George, Smothered Under a Rug. ("You will be smothered under a rug. You're a little anti-social, and may want to start gaining new social skills by making prank phone calls.")
08 Dec 23:28 | Link | Category: Art & Entertainment, Humor, Interactive
November 10, 2004
Are you a TV commercial rage-aholic?
My dad also clipped a column from the newspaper, crossing out the name of the author and writing in my name because he thought it sounded so much like me. See, every time I happen to watch TV, I start raging at the box whenever the commercials come on because they're so... stupid. (Some incite rage more than others. For example, KFC's break-dancing Colonel Sanders commercial always made me angry while a commercial I saw the other day for the Gazelle exercise machine just made me laugh.)
I'll admit that part of me enjoys yelling at the TV about how stupid it is -- sadly, I get a certain enjoyment from complaining about things -- but sometimes I actually do get angry about it. I guess I should simply avoid the TV more than I already do.
Anyway, this is the column: Help! TV ads are driving me out of my mind. (Utah residents will probably be well acquainted with 'Super Dell' Schanze and Dan the Laptop Man.)
10 Nov 20:05 | Link | Category: Humor
A few wise maxims
These were sent to me by my dad, who thought I might appreciate them:
- If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
- Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
- The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
- He who hesitates is probably right.
- If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
10 Nov 19:45 | Link | Category: Humor
November 5, 2004
Grieving since Election Day?
Sorry for the lack of posts over the last few very eventful days. I've been really busy, and my phone line (including DSL) was dead the one time I did try to make an actual post.
One e-mailer wondered jokingly if perhaps I was in such grief over the results of the election that I decided not to post. That made me laugh and gave me an idea.
So here they are, my seven stages of Kerry supporter grief:
- Denial: "No, this isn't happening. This isn't right... what about all those provisional ballots in Ohio? That could turn things around. Or what if Kerry carries all the remaining states?"
- Shock: 'NBC News predicts Bush to be the winner in Ohio.' "I'm speechless. Umm, now I'm feeling numb and drowsy... I think I'm going to pass out!"
- Isolation: "Just... don't bug me, I don't want to talk about it. I'm going to bed now."
- Anger: "What the fuck were those people thinking? This country is full of idiots! Re-electing George W. Bush?!? Fuck the red states!"
- Bargaining: "There's always next time. This was just part of a cycle, you know? And it's only four years. I mean, at least Kerry didn't have to inherit all of Bush's messes, right? I say, let the Republicans reap what they've sown. BRING ON 2008!"
- Depression: "What's the point? The whole country's going to hell and there's nothing anyone can do. I don't know why I even care about any of it."
- Acceptance
Update: Someone just sent me this link.
05 Nov 23:44 | Link | Category: Humor
October 29, 2004
Lynne Cheney's steamy romance novel
Some of the better excerpts from Lynne Cheney's book Sisters can be read at whitehouse.org. Enjoy.
For those of you unfamiliar with Sisters, it's a racy historical novel written by Lynne Cheney in 1981. It includes "vivid tales of whorehouses, attempted rapes, a suspicious murder and several lesbian love affairs." (It makes Lynne's angry denunciation of Kerry's remark about Mary Cheney in the third presidential debate all the more humorous, and further exposes it as the phony political move it was.)
Considering the embarrassing details in the past (and present) of so many in the Bush gang, it's amazing they can still pull off their image of righteous protectors of 'American values' and 'Christian morality' so well. Behind that image is a group of people who will do anything for power -- some will even abandon and bury their old "radical, pro-feminist agenda." (The titles of two books written by Dick and Lynne Cheney are perhaps revealing: "Kings of the Hill: How 9 Powerful Men Changed the Course of American History" and "Kings of the Hill: Power and Personality in the House of Representatives".)
It also begs a question. How do these people avoid Clintonesque scrutiny and witch-hunting? You know if Hillary had written a book like Sisters she would have been burned at the stake. (Think of all the crap she took for "It Takes a Village" - and it didn't even have any girl-on-girl sex scenes!)
29 Oct 0:06 | Link | Category: Humor, Politics
October 27, 2004
Bob Jones & Fitch
The time is fast approaching when I have to decide whether or not to attend school next semester. I even have an appointment with someone to talk about it. (Aren't you proud?) But the other day I noticed something that has me considering a transfer. It was a link (from Cynical-C) to a list of student expectations at Bob Jones University. The restrictions include:
- For the sake of accountability, students must "check out" when they leave the campus. Students gradually acquire more freedom in this area as they become upperclassmen.
- Students are required to be in their own rooms and quiet at 11 pm. All lights must be out by midnight.
- Students are required to keep their rooms clean and neat. Rooms are inspected daily.
- Posters of movie and music stars and fashion models are not permitted. The subjects of personal photos should exhibit the modesty and appropriate physical contact we expect from our students.
- Music must be compatible with the University's music standards: New Age, jazz, rock, and country music is not permitted. Contemporary Christian music is not permitted (e.g., Michael W. Smith, Stephen Curtis Chapman, WOW Worship, and so forth).
- Televisions and DVD/videocassette players are not permitted in the residence halls; computer DVD players may not be used to view movies.
- You may not possess or play computer and video games rated T, M, or A or having elements of blood and gore, sensual or demonic themes, or featuring suggestive dress, bad language, or rock music.
- Residence hall students may not watch videos above a G rating when visiting homes in town and may not attend movie theaters.
(You can also peruse the dress code. Poke around the rest of the site, too. It's quite, uh, fascinating.)
(I mentioned the site yesterday in an online conversation with a friend. She pointed out that hip-hop / rap, blues, techno, and lots of other music isn't explicity disallowed. So there you go!)
So, I'm thinking... maybe I should try for a transfer to BJU. Just to see if I could get myself in. Maybe do some sort of undercover documentary (or at the very least just try to corrupt a few people). Update: As I expected, other people have had the same idea. You can read an account on salon.com of one guy who "had a few days off" and decided to check out the campus as a prospective student in an interracial relationship.
I do agree with them on one thing: that Abercrombie & Fitch sucks. (See the dress code page.) BJU says the company is evil. I say it's just lame. Everything from the way they ensure all their employees are attractive to the way they use nude, tanned Aryans in mostly homoerotic poses to make pubescent high-school suburbanites instinctively yearn for over-priced pseudo-fashionable sweatshop mass merchandise. (That having been said, if buying their dorky clothes could really magically transport me into the catalog's blissful, carefree, orgiastic world of bare-breasted young women, I might reconsider my objections.)
27 Oct 12:00 | Link | Category: Humor, Music, Opinion & Thoughts, Site/Life News
October 14, 2004
Carl Lewis
I can't say it any better than riotnnrd of memepool.com:
"Carl Lewis may be able to run much, much, much faster than you but, unlike him, you still have your dignity (QuickTime)."
14 Oct 0:11 | Link | Category: Humor, Video
October 7, 2004
Two funny video clips
A couple of funny video clips for you today. These link directly to Windows Media files, so if your browser doesn't open them, just copy the URL into Windows Media Player (or whatever software you use for ASX files).
- The first is (current Microsoft CEO) Steve Ballmer pitching Windows 1.0 back in '85. (Read about the unusal history of Microsoft Windows here.) Also, if you have somehow missed Ballmer's other fine moments, here are two: Developers! (mpg) and The Monkey Dance (mpg).
- The other is a fake MasterCard "priceless" ad. I won't give anything away except to say it's not "work-safe" but is very funny.